Dru’s reflections on TransPride ‘08

The following is a reposting of a great blog article (containing much truth and passion) from a dear friend and trans activist in the movement ~ Dru (Love ya Dru!)

The time has finally come for Trans Pride. It’s been a long journey since I posted the initial email in late September calling for a march and rally. http://femulate.blogspot.com/2007_09_01_archive.html. I was interviewed yesterday by the person doing a documentary on the march. It was cathartic for me to be able to tell my story. I made it about my own journey through my own fear in this organizing process. How terrified I felt to call for visibility in the trans community - specifically in this trans community. It was interesting to deal with unchecked transphobia from the LG community - which felt like “get back in your place…or…we already include you (by having one token trans speaker at our pride - which ironically turned out to be me this year - token ‘Trans political speaker,” Noho pride); and LGB people who were not used to dealing with a trans person with self respect, who doesn’t degrade themselves around them or allow them to talk down to them in a paternalistic manner. That was a shift. It was also hard to deal with the city of Northampton… explaining to the police, Mayor’s office, DPW, why we need our own separate day and march. “You already have a march - isn’t it LGBT? - why do you need another one?” I was asked. It was shocking and uncomfortable for many to see trans people asking, rather demanding, their own day.

The reaction from trans people was the hardest. Fear was the overlying response:”what if there are only 20 of us in the street and we look like a protest?” “We are not like the gay people,” one said. “We don’t need feather boas and dancing in the streets. We are ladies and gentlemen.” Others said, “no we’re not!” Long-time area residents said, “What if we offend the LGB community by branching out? We owe them.” We don’t owe them shit. If they truly feel like we are a part of their community, they will stand with us and support us. Another trans person asked me why would I be proud to be trans. Pride has a lot of bad connotations for people. It’s been co-opted and made into Bacardi and Bud Light marketing.

Why a Pride March? For me it’s been a journey of true self acceptance. To stand in the face of the world, and more terrifying, my own community, and say it’s okay for me to love myself… I’m okay with me the way that I am… I refuse to hide or take the back seat and internalize this oppression I am experiencing around me. I refuse to make my gender transition about fitting into another stereotyped box, or spend all my energy worrying about how well I “pass.” For me, being stealth is not integrated enough for me. It’s too damn lonely. It doesn’t feel like a complete me. I have much too much complexity for that shit. I also will not leave those in my trans family behind who do not have that option. Instead I will get angry at the way trans people are treated. It takes a certain level of self love to feel such anger. Anger is action. I will use my anger to form community… a trans family.. and we will rise up and get together and create something. It means everything for so many of us to have a special day.

The message is that we matter. We deserve some space in this world, free of hatred and bigotry. We deserve jobs. We deserve health care. We do not deserve to be profiled and criminalized for who we are. We are strong and beautiful. The fight for our rights starts with us loving and supporting each other.. and ourselves. The process of organizing this march was very difficult. We decided to do concensus and formed a steering committee out of default from who stepped up to volunteer. People came and went - which was painful and hard to feel the loss.. when you are so used to people in your life that you rely on checking out on you… but it came from the fact that we were all trying to still maintain our lives and face our daily struggles - looking for jobs, trying to scrape together enough money to eat and pay for gas to meetings, dealing with family and relationship problems, etc.

Balancing this organizing into our lives was challenging. But it enriched our lives - gave us something to look forward to. Jerimarie Liesgang of CTAC told me that the best activism is when you are empowering people to feel good about themselves and when you give people something to look forward to. It changes people’s lives when they have hope. It’s been a beautiful thing to watch trans people I love develop into the leaders that they have the capacity to be. I’ve learned so much from so many people. There were so many lessons out there. Some were very hard. The hardest came in the form of balancing advocating for myself with advocating for others. It was a fine line to be drawn at times. When you step into leadership, you are a target of stuff that isn’t always about you. You are a screen for people to project their shit on. My goal was to do this work with integrity - integrity means more than honesty.. it can also be about loving people and supporting them, but sometimes protecting yourself from their issues and making sure you reach the end goal and not let people’s self-sabotage or outright external sabotage get in the way of that.

Very challenging. I am grateful for this journey of self acceptance. I am grateful for the trans family that has joined me in my journey. I feel so much gratitude and love for the support we’ve been given by so many unexpected places. It’s been truly wonderful. I am sure tomorrow’s march will be filled with tears. The world will never be the same after tomorrow for all of us. I am so proud of myself for living my courage; I am so proud of my trans brothers and sisters for stepping up for themselves and creating something amazing; and I am so grateful to have true allies in my life who know what it means to be an ally.